You Can
by 8ounce
Summary: Beca thinks she's incapable of being loved. Rated T for brief mentions of alcohol abuse and self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

"I love you."

"You what?"

"I love you."

"You...can't."

The end of our relationship was quick. It came as a shock to nobody that she couldn't be with me any longer. Everybody told me she'd bail first, that I'd be left alone to deal with the pain that came with the end. I didn't foresee it coming the day of our four-month anniversary. Aubrey said she was just like Katie. I didn't agree. Katie never cared whether or not her issues affected me or not, which resulted in my emotionally and mentally abusive relationship with her. She cheated on me constantly. I could often smell the musk of another person on her when she came home. She never tried to hide the fact that she was bad news. Callous and disjoint. That was my relationship with Katie. Beca was nothing like her.


	2. Chapter 2

"She won't come back, you know..." Aubrey murmured as she crossed her arms and leant in the doorway of my room. I looked up from the paper I was revising.

"You don't know that." I was surprised Aubrey brought it up. People had a tendency to tiptoe around the subject. I hated that. She ran a hand through her straight, blonde hair and sighed.

"She's Beca. Of course I know that she won't come back. She's Katie all over again, Chlo. Maybe it's time to let her go." Aubrey looked at me, leaning her hip against the door frame.

"She's not Katie." I stated, bluntly. "She's not. Okay, maybe Beca's got her own issues, but she's not deliberately trying to hurt me, Bree. I really do think she just needs some time to think things over. I'm certainly not going to pry or push her. And you shouldn't either." I narrowed my eyes in warning. "Don't meddle, Bree. I'm serious."

"I'm just...I guess I'm just wondering whether or not you've misplaced the hope. You like the idea of falling in love. I...guess I just want to know that you're not in love with the idea of falling in love, you know?" Aubrey sighed and sat down beside me on the bed. "I love you, Chlo. I don't want to see you like you were after Katie again."

"I haven't. Bree, I know Beca. I love Beca. She's not a project, like Katie was. I was constantly trying to fix Katie, to make her better. With Beca it's different. I'm...I _was_ with Beca because she just makes me a better person." I shrugged, setting aside my paper to look at Aubrey.

"Makes?" Aubrey looked surprised.

"Yeah, makes. She...made me realize after she ignored me that I need to give her some space to figure things out. I...I'd never really done that with any of my relationships before..." Aubrey chuckled, crossing her legs.

"I guess I see what you mean. I still think maybe you should stop waiting for her to come to her senses, Chlo..." Aubrey sighed. "Anyway, I was about to go out and grab some dinner. You want anything?"

"Yeah. Pizza." I grinned. "You already know!"

"Right." Aubrey stretched out the syllable and rolled her eyes. I tossed her the car keys and smiled. "I'll be back in like twenty minutes." She said, squeezing my shoulder before she walked out.


	3. Chapter 3

Anybody who said Beca was handling the breakup well was a liar. As Beca quickly found out, old habits died hard, and she found herself reaching for a blade more often after she and Chloe split. Her arm was littered with cuts, and she craved physical pain to mask the emotional kind, even if it were just for a couple of hours. She had terrible nightmares every night, always ending with Chloe dying a very painful death. As a result, she barely slept and had bags under her eyes. She refused to eat anymore, never feeling hungry. In short, Beca Mitchell had become a sad excuse of who she once was. Empty bottles of liquor sat on the kitchen counter and she barely left the house anymore. She didn't go to classes, and nobody had seen her since before the breakup. In short, she was a mess. After three weeks, though, people were starting to get suspicious.


	4. Chapter 4

"Chloe, I think you should check on Beca." Stacie stood in the doorway of Chloe and Aubrey's apartment, her eyes pleading with the redhead.

"No, Stacie, I've got to let her handle this on her own." Chloe was resolved. She wouldn't take another step towards the ruin of their relationship. Or lack thereof.

"Chloe, nobody's seen her in three weeks. Jesse says she hasn't been in to the station. Luke says he hasn't gotten any new mixes, and Cynth says Beca hasn't even been to get coffee in the mornings." Stacie stated, worriedly. "Everybody's afraid she's...dead, Chloe."

"No, Stacie. She said she wanted space. I'm giving her space." Chloe said, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. After a moment, the redhead spoke again. "Are you really worried?"

"_Yes._" The other girl said emphatically. "Beca hasn't been outside of her house in three weeks, Chloe. Of _course_ I'm worried sick!"

"Maybe I should check up on her...just to make sure she's okay." Chloe murmured thoughtfully.

"Please go. The worst thing that could happen is that she'd be mad at you for invading her privacy." Stacie placed a hand on Chloe's forearm.

"Okay, fine. I'll go." Chloe put on some shoes and a hoodie, and grabbed her keys.


	5. Chapter 5

"Beca?" Chloe knocked on the brunette's door. "It's Chloe. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She listened for the sound of anyone moving inside the house. The lights were on, so Beca was definitely home. The brunette was obsessive about turning them off if she left a room. "Beca? Come on, Bec, I'm just making sure you're okay. I don't need you to talk to me. Just give me something, here okay? Stacie's worried sick about you." Still nothing. Chloe sighed. She already knew she'd regret this. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the front door quietly, slipping into the house. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except for the fact that all the lights were on. Chloe stopped in her tracks. Something was off. She padded quietly around the living room, eyes darting back and forth, searching for the slightest detail that Beca wasn't fine. When she got to the kitchen, she immediately came to a halt. There were enough empty bottles on the counter to fill two bathtubs full of whiskey. Chloe's breath stuck in her throat. Her heart stopped. She leant her back against a wall and tried to catch her breath. Beca wasn't alright at all. Something was very, very wrong.

"Beca?" Chloe rasped, heart pounding, as she made her way slowly up the stairs. She stopped at the sight of the closed bedroom door. The redhead took a steadying breath as she quietly opened the door. Everything was as it usually was, neat and tidy. She walked gingerly over to the bed, to the motionless lump lying beneath the blankets and crouched down next to it. "Beca?" Chloe whispered as she placed a hand on top of the blankets. "Beca, are you okay?" The ginger moved aside the blankets carefully, placing a hand on Beca's ice-cold, sunken cheek. "Bec, I need you to answer me." Chloe rubbed her palm against Beca's cheek. The brunette's eyelids fluttered briefly.

"Chlo?" Beca breathed, her eyes remained shut. "Are you gonna die tonight again?" A single tear rolled down her cheek. Chloe smoothed it away with the pad of her finger.

"I...don't understand, Beca." The ginger was confused. She gently stroked the brunette's hair. "Beca, are you sick? You look like you haven't slept or eaten in days." Chloe traced a finger along the slightly protruding cheekbone and the bags underneath the brunette's eyes.

"I guess you could say that." Beca murmured, her eyes fluttering open. "Are you real?"

"Of course I'm real, Bec. What does that even mean?" Chloe asked, confused. "Beca, I'm scared for you. You don't look like you're doing very well at all."

"I'm not." The DJ muttered, her eyes drifting shut again. "Don't leave me again." The last part was whispered softly under her breath.

"I won't. Oh, Beca...I had no idea. I'm so sorry." Chloe murmured, a tear silent making its way down her cheek. "You need to get some food or something into your body. I'll be right back." The redhead rested her hand on Beca's cheek before disappearing quietly downstairs to make the DJ some food.


	6. Chapter 6

"Beca? Beca, I need you to sit up so you can have some of this." Chloe set the tray of soup and saltines down on the nightstand. Beca's eyes flickered towards Chloe's, as if begging for her not to judge.

"Don't say anything. Whatever you do, don't say anything." Beca pleaded quietly, her eyes searching for some kind of safety within Chloe's bright blue ones.

"I promise I won't say anything. Beca, you have nothing to...oh my god, Beca. How...what did...oh, Bec..." Chloe gasped as Beca sat up gingerly, revealing the hundreds of cuts along her arms and the tops of her thighs. "Not a word. Just like I promised. You have to eat something first." The redhead recovered quickly, pulling the blankets back over the shivering DJ's legs and helping her into a hoodie. Chloe sat on the edge of the bed and picked up a spoon and the soup, slowly spooning the warming concoction into the brunette's mouth. "That's it. There we go. You're going to be all better in no time." The DJ gave her a weak smile as she felt the hot tomato soup slowly warm her up. "Do you think you could keep down some crackers?" Beca nodded. Chloe dipped the crackers into soup and handed them to the brunette. "Feel a little better?" Chloe set down the empty soup bowl.

"Mmhm." The petite DJ nodded her head, sighing as she leant her head against the wall behind her. Chloe climbed into the space beside her and patted her legs. Beca carefully manoeuvred her head into the older girl's lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Chloe murmured, running her hands gently through Beca's hair. The younger girl's eyes fluttered shut again.

"I have a problem." Beca uttered, after a long silence. Her eyes remained shut.

"An alcohol problem?" The other girl asked hesitantly, never slowing her hands through the mass of light brown locks.

"No. I went off my meds when I was with you. When I left I thought I could deal. Without them." The brunette sighed, silently steeling herself for the question she knew would follow her revelation.

"Meds for what?"

"Chronic depression." The brunette intoned emotionlessly.

"Why?" The question could've referred to many things, but Beca understood.

"You make me...better. Happier." The DJ's eyes slowly opened to look up at Chloe. Tears rolled into the ginger's lap, soaking into her jeans. "I miss you, Chloe." The brunette sobbed, letting out three weeks' worth of emotion all at once. The redhead, to her credit, understood that what Beca needed most right now was just to be with her. She didn't need to say anything, she just made soothing sounds and continued stroking the DJ's hair. When the sobbing died down and Beca's breathing evened out, Chloe looked down and realized that the DJ had fallen asleep. So she lay down, and tucked Beca into her side. She settled in for her first night back in Beca's arms.


	7. Chapter 7

She awoke to moaning.

"No...Chloe come back...no I swear I didn't...no..." Beca's arms tightened like vices around Chloe's midsection. The redhead gasped in pain.

"Beca, wake up! Beca, it's just a dream!" The ginger shook the brunette and shouted over the brunette's mutterings. After a few tries Beca's eyes finally shot open, breathing hard. "Just a dream, Bec, just a dream. I'm right here." The redhead repeated this like a mantra, rubbing Beca's back soothingly until the brunette's breathing slowed back to down to its regular speed.

"Sorry." Beca muttered, burying her head in the crook of Chloe's neck. The ginger rested her lips against the DJ's forehead.

"Honey, I'm here to help you. You have nothing to apologize for. If anything, I should apologize for not being here sooner." The older girl mumbled against Beca's forehead.

"Stay." The DJ spoke into the other girl's neck.

"I fully intend to, sweetie." Chloe smiled, kissing the younger girl's head. "Do you think you could eat?"

"Yeah. I think so." Beca wriggled out of the redhead's arms and stretched, shuffling towards her closet. "You didn't bring clothes with you. I think I still have some of yours in here."

"Yeah? Thought you might've burned them." Chloe grinned, sitting up in the bed. Beca changed into a long-sleeved t-shirt and some sweatpants, and brought some clothes over to the bed.

"These are yours, I think. I don't think I own a pink t-shirt." The DJ chuckled, and then immediately stopped. She looked a little surprised at the sound that she had emitted.

"What?" Chloe looked curiously at the younger girl.

"I...I don't know, guess I haven't laughed in a while."

"Thought that was what I was here for..." Chloe winked at her, tugging on a new shirt and sweatpants. Suddenly, a phone rang. Chloe looked around for hers and grabbed it off the nightstand.

"Hello?" Chloe spoke into the device.

"Is she okay?" A concerned voice filtered through the speaker. "How is she?"

"Beca's fine, Stacie. You know how she is. She just wanted to stay home for a little bit." The redhead gaze connected with the DJ's as Beca shot her a grateful smile.

"Can I talk to her? I miss her." Stacie implored. "We all miss her." Chloe gestured silently to Beca, who shook her head.

"She's asleep right now. I can get her to call you later if you want." The ginger replied, grinning as the brunette silently slipped a hand in hers.

"Okay. Sure. Cynth and Amy want to talk to her, too..." Stacie sighed. "I'll talk to her when she's awake."

"Yep, I'll get her to call you for sure." Chloe enthused, grinning even wider as Beca's thumbs traced patterns on her hand.

"Alright, then. See you later, Red." Stacie hung up.

"You're so good at lying, it's kind of freaky." Beca smiled, flopping backwards onto the bed.

"Oh no you don't, you promised me you'd come downstairs and eat with me." Chloe tugged at the brunette's arm. "C'mon."

"But...the bed is so comfortable..." The DJ whined, refusing to budge.

"We'll come back. Come on, you promised me you'd eat." The redhead helped the other girl off the bed.

"You know, this is the first time I've been out of bed in three days." Beca said thoughtfully, as Chloe pulled her towards the door.

"That's a good thing, weirdo." The redhead chuckled as she squeezed the younger girl's hand.


	8. Chapter 8

"So, what happens now?" Chloe murmured as she combed her fingers through the brunette's wavy locks again. The DJ had her head in the older girl's lap, stretched out horizontally on the couch as they watched TV.

"What do you mean?" Beca asked, after a brief spell of silence. She turned her head to look up at Chloe.

"I mean...do we go back to the way we were?" The redhead was hesitant, not wanting to assume anything. Her hands stilled in Beca's hair.

"I...can we even do that?" The brunette's voice was soft with sadness.

"Of course not. But we can fix what was broken and put on a new coat of paint to make it even better than it was before." The ginger murmured quietly, smiling gently at Beca.

"You want to do that? Even after..." The brunette's voice trailed off as she gestured to her arms.

"Especially after that. It breaks my heart that you thought that you needed to hurt yourself." Chloe sniffled, wiping away a tear. "I don't blame you for leaving. I was pushing a little too hard. I really wanted to go forward in the relationship, and it never occurred to me that we didn't spend enough time in the present to progress into the future." The words hung in the air as the brunette thought them over. After what seemed like a million years, Beca sat up and spoke.

"I love you."

"You what?"

"I love you." The brunette said, simply.

"What brought this on?" Chloe breathed, her heart beating unsteadily in her chest.

"You made me realize that I have the capacity to be loved. Instead of saying you can't love me, I realized that you can. I don't know what you see in me, but I'm glad you see it." Beca's words disputed the error she had made in leaving. She spoke of the loneliness and the hurt in her time away.

"I love you." Chloe whispered, grazing her lips over the brunette's.

"I love you too."


End file.
